I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
