Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
