Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
