we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
