I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
