there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
