omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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