That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
