I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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