So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
