I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
