I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
