Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
