If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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