peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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