i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
