I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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