i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
