I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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