There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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