so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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