you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
ugly people sure do ruin things
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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