so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Randomize
