I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
