just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
