the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
