she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
