marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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