when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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