All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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