Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
