what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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