I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
