How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
