It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Who died my cat blue again?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
