i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
