you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
