I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
