My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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