I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
