It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
