I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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