Whod you bang
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
