My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
