We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
