i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
