He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
