No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
