Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
