My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
