I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
